Outback Joe – a verse

OUTBACK JOE
A LEGEND OF THE 25-MILE.

You miners of Westralia! attention grant, I pray,
While I relate in doggerel, a plaintive sort of lay,
Wherein a sharper kind of bloke— a half Finn-German Jew —
Was introduced to Out-back Joe and shown a point or two.
The Jew had been insolvent twice, at law was very tough,
He’d had three fires, had been a fence, and stood on whips of stuff.

He built a slap-bang little pub, would buy a bit of gold,
As whisky, brandy, wine or gin strong turpentine he sold;
The bar was copper bottomed on where on the boozers stood,
For fear the red hob liquid scuff might burn away the wood.
One day a drunk upset his glass— the first had made him tight—
And in the twinkling of an eye the place was all alight;
“By Jove,” says Ikey, “now mine frendts dere ain’t no swiville dere.”
“I pudts no vater in mine grog, s’help me ; I declare”

When Out-back Joe arrived in town his funds were very low,
But in his pouch he had some gold he took from Ivanhoe ;
He carried it from camp to camp it was his stock in trade,
And with a bob or two for booze he was not much afraid.
He yabbered on geology, of which he something knew,
Of kaolin, schists, and diorite, of bottoms false and true ;
He flashed his gold, the Jew caught on; says he, “Come, haf a drink. .
” Ond, vere you gott dot shotty gold, About someveres, I dink.

” Joe filled and drank and pledged the Jew, and filled her up again,
And country and formation both to Ikey would explain.
He talked of leads and lodes and reefs, of laws and leases, too;
Though looking stupid as a sheep, he charmed the little Jew!
“Now, gud, mine friend,” says Ikey ; you pud me on du ground
Vere you vas got dat shotty gold, I gif you twenty pound.
I find you, too, in tucker, and you “can vork dat out.”
And Out-back Joe took on the deal — it fetched another shout.

“I have a mate the other side, and he must have a share ;
We worked together now for years— I’ll wire him cross his fare.
He has four kids,” says Out-back Joe. ” Your goodness does you proud,
But don’t,” says Ike, ” be foolish, man, and go and bring a crowd.
We’ll get a contract,” said the Jew, and called for pen and ink.
And Joe, as full-blown partner, proposed another drink.
Joe drank the fiery liquor, and never made a frown,
His brain was set on one thing— to take the Hebrew down.

“One hundred feet of virgin ground, and likely country, too,
I think the show’s a beauty.” “I dink so,” says the Jew. ‘
They started out at break of day, and found the virgin ground ;
A camp was there, and shovels, picks, and dishes scattered round.
A dish or two they took and blew without a trace of gold.
The third showed “just a color,” three weights the fourth dish told.
They specked a weight, promiscuous like —set there by Wily Joe,
Who cursed his luck for having sold, so I cheap, a splendid show.

The Jew paid down the twenty quid, and made Joe give receipt,
And stated and strutted all about — ” Oh, : Moses, dis vas sweet;
I’ll go and fetch dot shaker out and pring some tucker, too, .
Ond you stop dere ond vork dot claim ond mind dat jumping crew.”
He went away to get the things, and in three days got back.
But Joe had put Matilda up, was well upon the track.
You’ve seen some willy-willies, you’ve heard the thunders roar;
But these are simply nothing to the way that Ikey swore.

He pranced around and bustled, and I called on Moses, too,
On Abraham and Isaac, and every brand of Jew.
He cursed Joe with a Hebrew curse — in  such he raved and swore—
As thief and rogue and swindler, continuing to roar.
He cursed him as a spieler, he cursed his ill got pelf,
He cursed the country up and down, then turned and cursed himself.
And if you want to rile him now, and make his temper grow,
Just ask him where a note will find his ‘ friend, old ” Out-back Joe.”